POWER  AND  RELATIONSHIPS – March 16, 2010

Connecticut was struck by a huge Nor’easter this weekend, and my office continues to be without power.  That started me thinking about the issue of power  (both positive and negative)  and its place in intimate relationships.  It’s the POSITIVE POWER I want to write about today.

Within a relationship, we all want to feel a certain positive powerful energy:  the power to feel and express adult love, the power to be heard, the power to influence, and the power to feel successful in creating a shared life.  However, our partner has to have a certain amount of that power as well, and that can be scary.  We so often equate power with power OVER someone, so we hesitate to let our vulnerabilities show.

So here’s the IRONY:   in order to experience that wonderful, expansive and powerful sense of energy and influence, you have to be willing to be vulnerable to your partner … and your partner to you.  This also means not taking advantage of your partner’s vulnerabilities.   NET/NET:   no more assumptions, manipulation, blame, unspoken expectations, or keeping a tally.  Become aware of when any of these demons are raising their ugly heads, and move in another direction.

Imagine how wonderful it would feel to be in a trusting, free relationship with power and vulnerability existing in a free-flowing circle.   I’m not saying it’s easy.  In some ways, it’s counterintuitive in our fast-moving society.  But give it a try.  No more power politics … just both of you sharing the power steering wheel.